Working With Difficult People Without Letting Them Run Your Day

The trick to working with difficult people is to talk about the work, not their personality: stay calm, name the specific problem, and agree on how you’ll handle it from now on.

How to work with difficult people in 4 steps

Separate the person from the problem
Acknowledge what they care about
Propose a simple rule for next time
Protect your time, not your ego

You and your coworker Corinne are co-writing a proposal for a client she has worked with before. You wrote the pricing section; this morning you opened the shared doc and found she'd rewritten most of it overnight, with no comment or heads-up. It's the second doc she's done this on, and you'd like it to be the last.

Corinne, your coworker

Oh good, you saw. I just tightened up your section a little. This client can be picky, so. That's okay, right?

Free · No sign-up · About a minute

Practice real conversations until you communicate better

Communicate Better is where you practice real conversations. Step into the moment, say it your way, and see how they react — then get coached on a better line.

Type what you’d say
See where they’re coming from
See how it lands — and a better line

Learn more about Communicate Better →

How to work with difficult people in 4 steps

You can’t pick your coworkers, and you usually can’t change them. Working with difficult people gets a lot easier once you focus on how the work gets done between you, which is what good communication in the workplace is really about.

1 of 4

Separate the person from the problem

“She’s a control freak” isn’t something you can fix. “She rewrote my pricing section without telling me” is. The first step in working with difficult people is to shrink the complaint down to one specific behavior. It keeps you calm, and it gives you something concrete to talk about instead of a personality to fight.

A teammate who keeps answering your client’s emails

I already replied to them, by the way. Figured I’d save you the time.

Flat reply

“You always do this. Can you stop taking over?”

“Wow. I was trying to help.” Now it’s about your tone.

Better reply

“Thanks, but when we both reply, the client gets mixed messages. Can you forward their emails to me instead?”

“Fine. I didn’t know it was confusing them.”

Why it works: One specific behavior is fixable. “You always” just starts a fight.

2 of 4

Acknowledge what they care about

Difficult behavior usually protects something: the client relationship, their expertise, their time. Say it out loud before you push back: “I get it, you know this client and it has to land.” Working with difficult people gets easier the moment they feel you understand their reason, even if you don’t agree with their method.

The ops lead who pushes back on every launch date

There’s no way this ships Friday. You haven’t tested anything.

Flat reply

“We tested it plenty. We really need Friday.”

“Then it’s not getting my sign-off.”

Better reply

“Fair, you’re the one who gets paged if it breaks. What would you need to see to feel okay about Friday?”

“Load test results. Then we can talk.”

Why it works: Name what they’re protecting, and they stop fighting you to protect it.

3 of 4

Propose a simple rule for next time

Don’t just complain about the last incident; suggest how it works going forward. “I own pricing, you own the intro, and we leave comments on each other’s sections.” A clear rule saves you from having the same argument every week, and it’s much harder to argue with than a feeling.

A coworker who keeps messaging you at 9 p.m.

Hey, quick one. Did you see my message last night?

Flat reply

“Yeah, sorry, I was asleep. What did you need?”

You sort it out. The next one comes in at 10 p.m.

Better reply

“I saw it this morning. I’m offline after seven, so if it’s urgent, just call. Otherwise I’ll get to it first thing.”

“Okay, fair. It wasn’t urgent anyway.”

Why it works: One clear rule beats answering the same late message every night.

4 of 4

Protect your time, not your ego

Some battles aren’t worth it, especially with a passive aggressive coworker. When someone bounces your request or shows up late again, skip the lecture and make the work move: “Notes are in the doc, I’ll catch you up after.” Part of working with difficult people is knowing when to solve the problem quietly and when a real conversation is overdue.

A teammate reopening a decision in standup, again

I still think we picked the wrong vendor, honestly.

Flat reply

“We spent two meetings on this. Can we please just move on?”

They bristle and start listing reasons. Standup runs long.

Better reply

“Noted. The call’s made for this quarter, though. Put your concerns in the doc and we can revisit at the review.”

“Fine. I’ll write them up.”

Why it works: Park it and keep the work moving instead of trying to win the argument.

Working with difficult people: mistakes to avoid

Labeling them (“you’re so controlling”) instead of naming the behavior.
Letting it slide five times, then exploding on the sixth.
Holding up the meeting to make a point about someone being late.
Going straight to your manager before you’ve talked to them once.

Dealing with difficult people at work: examples

Here’s what working with difficult people sounds like in practice — what to say in the moments that come up most, and what to avoid.

The moment	Say this	Avoid this
A coworker rewrote your section overnight	“Let’s not rewrite each other’s parts. Leave suggestions, and I’ll keep the better ones.”	Silently changing it all back
“I’ve been here five years, trust me”	“I want your experience in the room. What specifically have you seen go wrong?”	“That doesn’t make you right.”
“Not really my area. Try legal.”	“Legal sent me to you. I just need the renewal date — or point me to the folder.”	Walking off and emailing three more teams
Ten minutes late, “can someone catch me up?”	“Notes are in the doc. Let’s keep going, and I’ll grab you after.”	A five-minute recap while everyone waits
A coworker who never answers messages	“I’ll swing by at two for a quick yes or no on this — easier than email?”	A fourth “just following up” email

How to handle difficult situations at work

Sometimes the problem isn’t one person but a tense situation: a blame game after a missed deadline, two teams fighting over the same budget, a meeting that turns heated. The same rules for working with difficult people apply. Lower the temperature first (“Let’s figure out what happened before we decide whose fault it is”), stick to facts, and end with a clear next step and an owner. If a situation involves harassment, threats or discrimination, it isn’t a communication problem to solve alone — take it to your manager or HR.

Working with difficult people: FAQ

How do you deal with difficult people at work?

Focus on the work, not the personality. Name one specific behavior, acknowledge what they care about, and propose a simple rule for how you’ll handle it going forward. Keep your tone calm and your requests concrete. If it doesn’t change after a direct conversation, involve your manager.

What are the best tips for working with difficult people?

The best tips for working with difficult people: don’t take it personally, talk privately rather than in front of others, describe behavior instead of labeling people, agree on clear rules for shared work, and pick your battles. Save your energy for the problems that actually affect your work.

How do you work with a difficult person you can’t avoid?

Make the working relationship as clear as possible: who owns what, how you’ll communicate, and when things are due. Put agreements in writing after you talk. Clear lines reduce the friction, even when you still don’t like each other.

What makes someone difficult to work with?

Common patterns are controlling shared work, passing responsibility along, dismissing others’ ideas, being chronically late or unresponsive, and reacting badly to feedback. Often there’s stress or insecurity behind it, which is why working with difficult people goes better when you address the need, not just the behavior.

When should you escalate problems with a difficult coworker?

When you’ve talked to them directly and nothing changed, when it’s affecting deadlines or clients, or when it crosses into disrespect or harassment. Bring specifics: what happened, when, and the impact. Frame it as a work problem you want help solving.

Meet Communicate Better

Working with difficult people isn’t something you read about once. It’s a skill you practice.

Communicate Better is built for one thing: helping you communicate better. Step into real moments, say it your way, and see how it lands — until the right words come without thinking.

Learn more about Communicate Better →

Type what you’d say

Step into a real moment and reply in your own words, the way you’d actually say it. No multiple choice, no script.

See where they’re coming from

Then call what’s going on for them, what they mean and how they feel, and find out right away whether you read them right.

See how it lands — and a better line

An AI plays the other person and reacts to what you actually wrote. Then a coach shows you a better line and why it works. The moments you miss come back until you’ve got them.

Every corner of your social life